Monday, May 14, 2012

Are you mom enough?


The recent cover of TIME magazine stirred up quite a controversy, as I'm sure was their intention. Even on the Green Grandma Facebook page, the community moms engaged in some disagreements. Everyone seemed to have valid points, despite having differing opinions. 

Perhaps sales have been down for TIME. Perhaps they needed a boost. What better way than to show a defiant-looking young woman, staring down the camera, with a big-for-his-age, 3-year-old practically hanging from her boob. Oh wait, he wasn't exactly hanging, was he. That would require her to have the less-than-perky breasts that those of us who breastfed for any length of time tend to have. But TIME didn't photograph the average breastfeeding mom, did they? Ahhh ... one of the sources of contention for many. I only breastfed my girls for one year, as that was the common practice in the mid-80s. But I can tell you, that if someone had photographed me with my child standing on a chair to reach me, my breasts would not have looked like hers. Most likely, yours wouldn't have either.

Now don't get me wrong ... I'm not judging Jamie Lynn Grumet for having perky breasts. Perhaps I'm just a bit jealous. Actually, I'm not judging Grumet at all. It's the photographer, Vaughan Hannigan, that I have issues with. Apparently, he modeled the shots in the magazine and on the cover after various paintings/statues of Madonna and Child ... and I'm not talking about the pointy-breasted Madonna of Like a Virgin fame. No, I'm referring to the actual Virgin Mary ... that Madonna. And, of course, the toddlers in this article are all supposed to remind us of Jesus. Ummm, no. Mr. Hannigan, you missed the mark. 

First of all, none of the images I've seen of Mary boast that indifferent, seemingly defiant countenance. Granted, I have not seen the rest of the photos, as I haven't had the chance to go to the library to look at the current issue, and I have absolutely no plans to give TIME any of my money. My opinion comes from the tasteless cover, coupled with the tasteless choice Hannigan made to mess around with sacred images. 

The photographer is quoted as saying it is impossible to hold some of these older children as they are nursing. Really? Hmmm. I seem to recall holding my children on my lap well into their teens. I'm pretty sure these moms don't feed their kids while standing. Part of the whole attachment parenting/breastfeeding lifestyle is about nurturing. That is certainly not captured in this cover photo.

The child looks awkward. Look at the picture. Other than mouth-to-nipple contact, the boy is not touching his mother. Give me a break! The set-up for this photo is ridiculous.

And, on a side note, don't you feel sorry for this kid? Here is where I will fault Ms Grumet. What was she thinking?? Doesn't she realize she just opened the door ... wide open ... for her precious child to be bullied for many years to come. I guarantee ... it will happen. Then what will happen to all that nurturing? I'm guessing he just might be a bit peeved on mommy dearest.

Okay, photo aside, let's move on to the title. I don't know whose idea that was, but they should be fired!

ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?

The cover screams a challenge to all of us who have both children and mammary glands. Seriously? Let the Mommy Wars begin ...

Attachment parenting vs non-attachment parenting (I couldn't find a word for that). Co-sleeping vs non-co-sleeping (I couldn't find a word for that, either). Breastfeeding vs formula feeding (yea! I knew what to call that). Home schooling vs private schooling. Cyber schooling vs public schooling. Vegan diet vs animal protein diet. The list goes on and on, pitting mom against mom. 

That is my main issue with this cover. I really can't comment on the article itself, since I've not read it. It's quite possible that journalist, Kate Pickert, did a fabulous job revealing the true nature of attachment parenting to the curious masses out there. Possible. Maybe, even she was upset by the cover photo and the title. Who knows? I can't blame her. But I do blame TIME magazine for sensationalizing a parenting choice that thousands of moms and dads are making. It's a parenting choice they believe is best for their children. And that is the issue, isn't it? Aren't we all doing what we believe is best for our children and our families? I know I did. My choice was to breastfeed and cloth diaper my girls. They went to public school. They slept in their own rooms. Those were my choices. What about yours? Are you tired of being judged for your choices? Do people's harsh stares or biting words make you weary? Have 'well-meaning' relatives' comments caused you to rethink what you're doing?

Moms ... we need to band together. We need to support each other. We need to stop beating each other up. 

The world is a harsh place at times. Wouldn't it be nice to fall back into the comforting arms of the mom community when you just need a little bit of kindness?

Are you MOM ENOUGH? Absolutely. And you have won the right to wear that badge proudly.

Sharing my pride in you,

Hana 


16 comments:

  1. Heck to the YEAH!! You tell 'em Hana! Why must the media focus on creating dissent between people who really should be nurturing and supporting one another? Thanks for taking the issue and applying common sense to it.

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    1. 'Cali, I appreciate your support on this! Moms rock!!

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  2. I agree with your comments Hana. I breastfed my kids as an act of nurturing, not as a political statement. I thought is was (and still do) the best thing for them nutritiionally. I thought it built a bond between us. That is why I did it. I do feel sorry for that poor kid, like you pointed out, Hana. What were they thinking?
    Good post, Hana.
    Megan

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    1. Thanks, Megan. If we politicize the breast, soon the government will find a way to tax it!

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  3. You know, I didn't think I had an opinion about that cover until reading your post. I knew the sensationalistic "ooh! a breast!" thing didn't bother me... but something didn't set well with me.

    And there it is... you found it. THANK YOU.

    I breastfed all four of my kids mainly because we were dirt poor but also because I happily fell into a group of friends who home-birthed, breastfed, and homeschooled their children. (I wouldn't know how to make a bottle of formula to save my life.)

    But yeah, I don't recall a single moment of any of them standing a chair. Sheesh. Usually they were across my lap, comfy on the couch, and were multitasking by also playing with my nose or fiddling with my necklace or trying to yank an earring out of my ear.

    I stopped whenever each child could point to one breast or another and say, "That one... no, that one!" Check, please! :)

    Great, commonsense post, which was exactly what I'd have expected. Thanks.

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    1. Wow, thanks, Linda! I'm glad the post resonated with what you were feeling! I love the multitasking image!

      Being surrounded by support is so essential! And, for the record, I wouldn't know how to make a bottle of formula either!

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  4. I do attachment parenting and I cheered and criticized the cover. It's nice to see breastfeeding in the spotlight, but I don't think this lady and her kid represent the average nursing mom and her child. Second, I didn't like the title. It implies that moms who don't do to these lengths are non "mom enough" Attachment parenting isn't for every family. Moms should be free to choose how they raise their kids without judgements from other groups.

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    1. You are absolutely right, Teresha! Thanks for stopping by and for taking the time to post a comment.

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  5. This is great, Hana. I agree with you. I'm not a mother, but I feel bad for the kid! He's going to be teased mercilessly for years to come. It's kind of sad that TIME is this desperate to sell magazines.

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  6. You go, girl! The only people who really benefit from this kind of sensationalism are the ones who get paid to invent labels for it.

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    1. You're absolutely right, Jan. Thanks for adding your input!

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  7. It has been very sad to see so many Mom v Mom stories of late. I am not a parent, but it hurts me and I can see how it hurts kids to perpetuate this crap. I think it is about society not trusting women to make good decisions, period. I know a lot of moms who use different parenting techniques and they typically "preach" but not to the point of being hurtful - they get more aggressive when they are on the defensive and right now almost every mom has been put on the defensive for not being "mom enough" ...and its very sad. Moms should unite in their freedom to make their own decisions.

    I'm not specifically not sharing my views on attachment parenting because who cares, really? I trust you are doing your best. I simply want to be helpful in providing supports to moms who need them.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughtful insights, Sue. The Mom v Mom stories are very sad, indeed.

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  8. This photo really bothered me. I have 3 sons. One is 11 yrs old, one is 10 yrs old and one is 2 years old. If I were to put a photo of the two year old- "out" like that his brothers would be horrified. Did it never cross that woman's mind that she was violating her son's privacy? I would back that child in a law suit against TIME magazine when he gets older. His image and name were used for sensational purposes to sell a magazine and he was not old enough to give permission. I hope everyone forgets his name quickly. And his mother(!) is not the first rule of motherhood to consider your child's best interest? I haven't read the article - I don't have any interest in the article - I just can't believe someone would exploit her son like that.

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  9. Well said, CailinMarie! Thank you for adding yet another perspective on this disturbing magazine cover.

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