An Unfinished Life

It's a beautiful Monday morning in Southwestern Pennsylvania. I'm starting the week refreshed. Why? Because I took my Sabbath Experiment/Experience seriously again yesterday. For those of you who are new to the community, I should explain. A few years ago, I started something I called "The Sabbath Experiment." Every Monday, I wrote about it. Eventually, I realized it was no longer an experiment and changed the name to "The Sabbath Experience." You can read about it here.

Lately, I've drifted away from my commitment to rest on the Sabbath. I've had a lot of excuses, including many that could have applied yesterday. But I decided to throw the excuses aside and I relished my Sabbath.

The day started the way it usually does with Sunday School, worship, and lunch with the kids and grandkids. I love the current sermon series on blessing our neighbors being presented by our minister, Tom Fodi. It's challenging me to act, which is always a good thing. 

After we got home, my husband headed to the hospital to visit a dear friend who is in really shape. I napped. When he returned, Bill found me in front of the television watching a Hallmark movie. Of course, since Hallmark movies are his favorite, he joined me. Aside from making something to eat, we did little else other than watching TV, something we rarely do. At 9:00, I turned on a movie I'd never heard of called, AN UNFINISHED LIFE. 

Before I watched the movie, I sat and pondered the title -- an unfinished life. Wow. That's something that fits so many I've known who have died unexpectedly, leaving behind incomplete projects and unpaid bills, cluttered closets and unspoken apologies, unreached dreams and I'll-get-around-to-it-someday relationship repairs. Unfinished lives. It happens all the time.
 
Not only did I love the title (I mean, really -- isn't that a great title?), but I was drawn to the cast which included, Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Lopez, Camryn Manheim, and Becca Gardner. 

Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. I loved this movie. The chemistry between Redford and Freeman was fantastic and Lopez put in another amazing performance. With maybe one exception, I simply love Lopez as an actress. And my love of Redford goes back to the 70s. And then there's Freeman -- is he not an amazing actor? The movie scored 2 stars according to the description on Comcast. I couldn't help wondering who rated it. It received a solid 5 stars from me, and aside from some language I didn't appreciate, I found this movie to be exactly what I needed last night. It's a story of imperfect people struggling through this life of disappointments, bad choices, and grudges, catching a glimpse of grace and beauty and friendship along the way. In the end, it's a story of forgiveness and redemption. 

I went to bed last night feeling satisfied with my day . . . a Sabbath day intended for rest and renewal. But in the back of my mind, I was still pondering an unfinished life.

Monday -- bring it on. I'm ready for you.

Welcome to a brand new year!

There's something comforting about the statement, "Welcome to a brand new year," isn't there? A fresh slate. A new beginning. For many, who experienced hardship, sickness and/or grief last year, they're more than ready to bid adieu to 2011 and head into 2012, even if it is filled with uncertainty.

It can't be worse than last year, you may be thinking. And, depending on your circumstances, you may be right. For others, you might be heading toward your worst nightmare. That's a comforting thought, now, isn't it? Sorry.

The fact is, none of us knows what is ahead. If our lives are like books, this next chapter is blank at this point. And, for much of it, it's up to us to fill the pages. Undoubtedly, there will be sorrow of some kind. And there will be joy. Surprises? Most likely. New friendships? I hope. Romance? Sometimes that's up to you.

As a writer, I can get lost in the lives of my characters. Sometimes, they take me on journeys of their own and they surprise me with their circumstances.

Life's like that, occasionally. We might think we have things mapped out, but then circumstances knock us off course. Sometimes, it's our own doing, and other times, it's not.

Looking back, what circumstances threw you off course in 2011? Is there anything you could have done to prevent that from happening? Are there lessons to learn to keep it from happening again?

My goal last year was to create a habit of honoring the Sabbath and taking a day off each week to rest, recreate and enjoy my friends and family. I'm happy to report that it was a goal I met with success. My husband and I reap the benefits of that more than I could have anticipated. Now that it is a habit, it no longer has to be a goal. For me, relaxing was my goal. This year, I have work-related goals to meet. Work habits to form. Financial goals. Money habits to nurture.

Will I meet those goals? I can only hope and pray. Oh, and work on them.

Will circumstances throw me off course? Probably. That's when it's good to turn my efforts into habits, so I can easily get back on the right road when circumstances permit.

Will I forsake my Sabbath experience to reach these new goals? Not a chance! The Lord has blessed me with six days a week to work toward those goals. And He's rewarded me with a seventh day to take a break. Amazingly enough, it's because of that break that I'm feeling confident the other goals will be met.

So, here's my challenge to you: Try your own Sabbath Experiment for the first six weeks of this year. Take one day off per week. Moms with young kids -- you're probably saying, "Yeah, right. What planet do you live on?" I understand. Of course, you can't shrug off your regular parenting duties. However, if you plan carefully enough during the week, you can get away with doing less on Saturday or Sunday. No laundry. Minimum cooking/cleaning up. No major housework. Spend the time playing with your kids more. Aim to get them to bed a little earlier so you have some quality time with your spouse or by yourself. Do something each week that nourishes your soul. It is doable.

For those of you, like me, who have their own businesses -- forsake the computer, or at least emails -- for one day each week. Clients can wait. And, if they can't respect your need for a day of rest, they're not worth having. Your business will not collapse if you take a day off. For 10 years, that's what I thought would happen, so I had to be online everyday. Of all the things I regret in my life, that's one of the biggies. My business came before my family, and for that I will always be sorry. I urge you not to make the same mistake.

So, here it is -- a brand new year. Embrace it for the possibilities it holds for you. And consider my challenge. Trust me. You'll be a different person a year from now.

Sharing my Sabbath experience as we face a new year,

Hana


Read past Sabbath Experiment posts:

First post
First post of 2011
Battling with cancer -- let's play dominoes
The best laid plans of mice and men

The Sabbath Experiment/Experience -- Week 52!

Well, look at that -- it's been one full year since I started the Sabbath Experiment! That simply amazes me. It just doesn't seem possible. How do these years fly by so fast?! Of course, my counting was off way back in November, when I listed two separate weeks as "Week 8" and neither of them were that! They were actually Weeks 9 and 10, which subsequently threw the entire numeric sequence off! But I looked back and discovered I started the Experiment on the last weekend of September, which means this past weekend was week 52.


So, what have I learned? More than I could ever imagine! The Sabbath Experiment changed my life in so many ways ... all for the better!


 

• It made me mindful of purposeful rest. God gave it a purpose and I finally am benefiting from it.
• It gave me permission to rest. I no longer feel guilty taking a day off.
• It made the 6 other days of the week more productive. Seriously. My work picked up and I met more deadlines.
• It opened up the door for playtime. My husband and I, along with friends and family from time to time, simply play more.
• It made me more peaceful. The 'hurry' demons inside me are silenced on the Sabbath ... well, except for when I'm running late for church! At least the afternoons are more relaxed when I'm not trying to hurry through lunch so I can get home to work.
• I learned to be more pliant. For the most part, my Sabbath days are open to whatever comes up.
• It made me more partial. Sunday is now my favorite day!

Wow. I didn't intend on a 'P' list, but once I got started ...

The main benefit to evolve from The Sabbath Experiment was a greatly improved marriage. Seriously. Bill and I agree that it changed our marriage ... for the better. Having a day each week to focus on each other, which is what it often tends to be, simply transformed our relationship. And that would be my prescription for any marriage, especially if you're struggling. Set aside a Sabbath day each week that you can both agree upon. It doesn't have to be on a Sunday; we've chosen Saturdays for our Sabbath at least once every 7 or 8 weeks. God created us to need this day where we forsake work in lieu of rest and play. How much better are we as spouses, parents, workers, friends, etc., when we are refreshed?

I challenge you ... urge you ... to start a Sabbath Experiment of your own. Let it transform your life as well.

Wishing you some rest and play,

Hana

The Sabbath Experiment -- week 10

Wow. It's been ten weeks already. Hmm. I must say that the craziness of my life (trips back and forth to my mother's, etc.) has tainted my original intent somewhat. I'm thinking that a more accurate evaluation will start in January, barring any family emergencies, when life in general slows down some. Let's face it -- the five or six weeks preceeding Christmas are busy times.

Yesterday, I started off the day with worship band practice and a wonderful worship service. Then the kids and grandkids came over (with takeout Chinese) to watch the Steeler game. This didn't sit particularly well with my husband, who is definitely caught up in the busyness of the season. But we made plans while he was in an elders' meeting after church. Sorry, Bill. His plan was to head outside (in the pouring rain) and finish the outdoor decorating. Don't get me wrong -- Bill loves spending time with the kids and grandkids...nothing makes him happier. But not having everything he thinks should be done stresses him too much to enjoy much of anything. Haven't we all been there? Where busyness crowds out everything else?

Aha! Wasn't that one of my primary goals of The Sabbath Experiment? To take a day, despite all that is left undone, and simply rest and enjoy all the blessings God has bestowed on us. I guess that is easier said than done in some cases. Like in the case of my husband who works fulltime and has had weather, health and my absence to contend with over the past month. He simply has too much to do. My solution? Skip the outside decorating. His response to that -- depression. He loves having the front and back lawns lit up to celebrate the birth of our Savior. It makes him happy. And, after all, this is my Sabbath Experiment, not his.

So what did I do? I left the gang watching the Steeler game and headed to the mall with my two-year-old angel. We had such fun! Since it was raining, I didn't feel like struggling with a stroller, so the lovely little Lady Laura simply strut her stuff to the oohs and ahhs of busy shoppers. What a cutie.

In the evening, Bill and I went to play Pinochle at the home of some new friends. Good food, good conversation and fun. I think my day went well. But I am looking forward to Sabbath days of rest come January.

Keeping it somewhat restful,

Hana

The Sabbath Experiment -- week 9

Yesterday was another unusual Sunday for me. After spending several days caring for my mother, who lives 250 miles from me, I was able to return home yesterday.

Perhaps traveling on the Pennsylvania turnpike may not sound like Sabbath-type activity, but for me, the drive was relaxing. At least, most of the time. I wouldn't say driving through the snowy conditions as I traveled over the mountains was exactly restful, but the solitude was nice.

When I heard the weather forecast and shared it with my mother, she practically shoved me out the door! I didn't mind. I was anxious to get home. So I loaded up my wonderful Honda Insight Hybrid (that's just fun to say!) and hit the road, accompanied by a superior cast of voice over talents reading Jodi Picoult's House Rules. This is a book that really holds my interest, as most of Picoult's do, and the hours flew by.

Safely ensconced in my husband's arms by late afternoon, my body relaxed and my spirit rejoiced. Home! I love being home.

Despite the fact that the last thing he wanted to do was go out, Bill didn't hesitate to say yes when I asked him to take me out for dinner. I just wanted to be waited on for a meal and he knew why. After we came home, he went back to stringing lights on the Christmas tree and I headed upstairs for a long, hot bath. The Sabbath. A day of rest. Believe me, when I slipped into that tub, rest is exactly what happened.

I woke up to not-so-hot water and, while I had hoped I would be revived somewhat, the truth is, I was exhausted and I headed to bed.

So my Sabbath day included some travel, some fiction, some tenderness from my husband, a good meal, a hot bath and sleep. What it did not include was attending worship service, and I missed that. But all-in-all, it was restful.

Usually, one of the first things I do when I get up on Monday mornings is blog about my Sabbath Experiment. Today, I opted for some grandbaby time instead. Laura and I spent a lovely day together, singing and laughing and cuddling. So now, I'm feeling even more rested...which is a good thing, since I'll now to work late into the evening!

Anyway, that was my experience this week. What was yours? Have you started your own Sabbath experiment? I would love to hear your stories!

Sharing my day of rest,

Hana

Shabbat

Photo courtesty of Bobby Mikul

"Each individual creature is deemed good and everything together is pronounced very good, but the whole of creation at rest on Shabbat is called holy. A day of utter rest and peace, a day apart, Shabbat offers a profound and necessary respite for humans and all of creation...The workweek encourages an active stance in the world, but Shabbat is reserved for simply 'being' and celebrating in the delight of creation."

                                                                 -- Ellen Bernstein
                                                                     Creation Theology: A Jewish Perspective

The Sabbath Experiment -- week 2

Photo courtesy of Sharee Basinger

Yesterday, despite the forecast for rain, my husband and I accompanied two of our daughters, their children and a friend to the Hickory Apple Festival. It was week two of The Sabbath Experiment. Bethany wore Lincoln in his Sleepy Wrap and the lovely little Lady Laura mostly rode in the arms of her grandpap as the stroller wheeled along through the mud toting diaper bags and miscellaneous purchases.

As it takes us awhile for us to get out of church, it was well after 2:00 by the time we arrived at the grassy field parking lot to await the school bus shuttles to the festival. There were diapers to change, people to hug and plastic communion cups to gather to take home to recycle. The latter is a chore my husband and I took on awhile ago after discovering the cups were simply being tossed out. As Laura got old enough, she started participating and now that is her "ministry." Every week she eagerly climbs the steps from the nursery and runs into the sanctuary where she carefully peruses each pew, gathering the cups for recycling. Of course, this activity takes a bit longer than when Bill and I did it ourselves, but she feels a great sense of purpose in it; you can see it in her eyes. And, in case you are wondering, it is always followed by a good hand-washing!

After the bus ride past fields and cows and a couple alpacas, we found ourselves walking around the festival in a chilly mist. Lincoln was wrapped tight against his mommy, who shielded him from the dampness. Laura didn't seem to mind the weather at all. It was the two of us old folks that started wondering what in the world we were doing on our Sabbath, trudging through muddy fields in what ended up being a very rainy day!

The wait for the shuttle to return us to our cars was the worst. By then, it was raining...hard. With no shelter, we just stood there, trying not to get overly irritated by the rather long wait.

"Be nice," Bill warned me. I was. I even thanked the bus driver without a word as to why it took him so long to come get us!

We climbed into our cars, soaking wet and I quietly thanked God for my heated leather seats! After a drive home that took nearly a good 45 minutes or so, I headed upstairs for a long, hot bath. There is something very satisfying about peeling wet clothes off and climbing into a steaming tub with a cup of tea and a good book. Finally, I was resting on the Sabbath. By 8:00, I was in the kitchen making dinner. Bill and I ate our spaghetti in the living room in front of the TV, discussing a better plan for next week's Sabbath.

You see, the point isn't about not working...it is about resting. And this week, we missed the mark. So next week, it will simpler. It will restful. Unless, of course, the kids come up with another plan for a fun-filled day with the grandbabies...after all, how do we say no to them?!

Learning from doing,

Hana

The Sabbath Experiment

Lately I have been convicted of being too busy. Quite honestly, I work every day, seven days a week. It may only be for a couple of hours, but at the very least, I check emails, respond to clients, etc. seven days a week. It seems my clients have no respect for weekends, because they, too, are working seven days a week. This, I believe, is a destructive pattern, and I am putting an end to it. After all, God Himself created for six days and rested on the seventh.

The Sabbath. What does it mean to you? Are your Saturdays and Sundays filled with running here and there, doing housework/yardwork, working on your computer, grading papers, crunching numbers, etc.? Where does rest fit in?

I am not about to get into a theological debate on which day the Sabbath actually occurs. For some, it is Saturday and for others, Sunday. For me, I will recognize the Sabbath, my day of rest, mostly on Sundays. Occasionally, however, it will be a Saturday for my husband and me. Why? Simply because I refuse to be legalistic about this. The point is we are to rest from our work one day a week.

What does this mean for me? No emails. No blogging. No work in my office. No laundry. No cleaning. Will I cook? Maybe. Will I clean up after cooking? Maybe.
And my husband? He won't do yard work, rake leaves, clean out the garage, etc. Will he water the plants? Possibly...if they really need watering. But basically, he won't be working either.

As I said, most of our Sabbath time will occur on Sundays, starting with church. After church, we'll have lunch with the kids and grandbabies and then, who knows? Maybe a walk in the woods or an afternoon of playing cards. Maybe we'll have dinner with friends. Or we'll watch a Hallmark movie marathon. Or nap. It won't really matter, as long as we are relaxing.

Why do I think this is important? Well, for one thing, God tells us in His Word to do this. But it goes beyond that. I have not researched this, but I have a strong suspicion that the rise in stress-related conditions started within a few years of America ridding itself of the Blue Laws. Remember them? Because businesses were not permitted to be open on Sundays, life was different. People spent Sundays with their families... and not at soccer games or at the mall. They shared Sunday dinners with Grandma or they went on picnics. Life slowed down for one day every week.

Then the Blue Laws were repealed and our frantic, busy pace seeped into our Sundays, making them a day just like all the rest. And no one seemed to notice how this was affecting our marriages and families and... our health!

Bill and I started The Sabbath Experiment on Saturday. Plans to do this on Sunday were averted because we received sad news about the deaths of two friends, so we chose to take Saturday off and revisit some places we used to enjoy. We spent time walking hand-in-hand in the Wildflower Reserve in Clinton, PA and ate breakfast at a familiar haunt from our dating years. We visited my late husband's grave and drove by our deceased friends' homes. We honored memories. 

We bought fresh produce from a local farm market and, once home, cooked a simple dinner, eating in the living room as we watched a movie. It was a bittersweet day, but a relaxing one. I am, understandably, quite sad about the loss of my friends. But burying myself in work would not have made anything any easier. Spending the time with my husband (and best friend) did.

Was it hard for me not to check on work when I got home? Absolutely. I am not predicting an easy transition for either of us. However, I believe the dividends we reap will be well worth it.

My challenge to you... for your emotional, physical and spiritual health... is to follow suit. See where The Sabbath Experiment takes you. And then let me know how it has changed your life. For me, I am expecting great results.

Keeping it healthy with a day of rest,

Hana