A bit of a derailment on the train

The legendary Horseshoe Curve in Altoona, PA

I'm on the train again this morning heading across Pennsylvania. It's a beautiful sunny day and I'm looking forward to another writers' conference. I've been on faculty for 4 conferences in the last 6 weeks and, while I'm looking forward to it, I'm also looking forward to a break. I'm not scheduled for another conference until early August.

For the Pennwriters Conference in Lancaster, I will be teaching 3 workshops -- The Business of Writing, From Blog to Book, and my popular Fictional Characters Anonymous. If you're somewhat local to Pittsburgh, I would love to present one of my workshops to your writers' group. Contact me for a list of my presentations. I also enjoy delivering talks about green living, particularly the ones based on my book, Vinegar Fridays.

My intention for this trip was to work on my book, Lincoln and Laura Celebrate Earth Day (available soon on iStoryBooks.co), but I was sidetracked for awhile by another passenger who discovered I was a writer. She, too, was an aspiring writer and for over an hour, we shared stories about writing and tossed about names familiar to both of us. 

Life's like that sometimes, isn't it? We have our plans made and then something or someone derails them. I will admit, at first I was annoyed. People pick my brain about writing all.the.time. I wanted to be alone and ... gasp ... actually write. But is it so bad to step away from our plans and actually connect with people from time to time? Of course, it's not. The way I see it is that God has gifted me with the talents I have -- talents to write, to teach, to communicate. And I have to be ready to share those talents in numerous ways. I want to share those talents. This morning, that meant my plans had to be derailed (pun intended) for awhile. Big deal.

Another shot of the Horseshoe Curve

What about you mamas out there? Or you dads? Do you get impatient and frustrated when your children (young or old) distract you from your plans? Do you snap at them for disturbing you when you're in the middle of working? Do they get the feeling that your computer is more important to you than they are? Or your phone or tablet? Is what you are doing ever more important than your child when they want to talk to you? 

I admit, this is one area (and there are many) where I failed my children horribly. And I will always regret it. For more of the story, click here.

Now, I'm not saying your children should have free rein to interrupt you whenever they feel like it. There must be boundaries, particularly if you work from home. But I am asking you to evaluate the boundaries and your priorities. After all, I don't want you to have to live with the kind of guilt I live with. Because nothing, and I mean nothing, is as important to me as my family. And I'm sure you feel the same.

But for now, I think it's time to get back to work on my children's book. After all, deadlines are deadlines. 

Vinegar Friday and a good view of my back

My office (with my chair turned away from my desk)

Another blogger was complaining last night about fighting with her 3 kids to get to bed ... and stay there. I don't know what the situation was for her, but it made me think about my own child-rearing tendencies. I was a stay-at-home mom back in the 80s and 90s and, let me tell you, I am so grateful the Internet, Facebook, blogging and texting were not part of my life then. 

When I had my children, my husband and I decided I would put my career on hold and stay home with them. That was a decision I will never regret. We sacrificed. We scrimped. We managed. After I was widowed and the kids started school, I did pick up a part time job in a flower shop. I only worked when they were in school, so I had my summers off. The job provided a social outlet and allowed me to exercise my creativity.

It wasn't until my youngest was in high school that I really started pursuing my career as a writer. I launched my writing and voice over business two years after she graduated. However, in her final years at home, I fell into a habit that I will regret forever. Even as I sit here writing this, my eyes are filling with tears. The pain of regret is that real.

After Jess moved out, I found a notebook of hers. Inside was a rant she wrote one night. 

Mom says I can talk to her about anything, but I'm sick of talking to her back.

Ahh, the computer chair. You know the one. It can swivel. It can face away from the computer. It can face a child. Or a teenager. A young adult. A spouse. But I didn't take advantage of that vital feature. My daughter would come in at night and I would be busy in my office. She would behind me and talk to me while I continued to tap away on my keyboard or, at the very least, scroll through whatever it was that held my interest on the Internet at the time.

I'm sick of talking to her back.

The words are like a knife in my back... or more accurately, in my heart. 

I know she's forgiven me. It's me that can't forgive myself.

Moms -- pay attention. Nothing is as important, other than your marriage, than your children. Your blog can wait. Missing an update or two on Facebook won't matter. The television is not invested in you. Your kids are. A strong, healthy relationship with them will pay dividends unlike anything else. Invest in them. Make them your priority. Let them see your face... looking at them, not down at your iPhone as you're texting yet another message. 

Because, take it from me, the pain of knowing you let them down, does not go away. And no amount of vinegar can remedy that. Not even on a Vinegar Friday.

The need to unplug

I'm not a gadget person. I have a basic cell phone that I use as an alarm clock and to make and receive phone calls and send an occasional text message. It is Internet ready, but I don't subscribe to the service. Why? 1) It's a waste of money and 2) There is nothing so important online that I need to be able to access it 24/7. When I need to go online, I open up my laptop. If my laptop's not handy ... oh well.

I don't like seeing people at restaurants texting away or surfing the web while their sitting across the booth from other people. If they're alone, fine. But I find it rude to neglect the human being sitting there in lieu of some kind of electronic communication. Then again, I was never the mom that let her kids sit in restaurants playing with their Gameboys, either. When the family was out to eat together, we talked to each other. Kids included. And don't even get me started on kids playing any kind of video games or texting while at church! Seriously?!

And I don't get the whole DVD setups in vehicles, either. Call me old-fashioned, but I always enjoyed long car rides with my kids. It was a good time to talk, play games, sing silly songs, etc. If your kids can't handle the ride home from school or to the grocery store without some kind of electronic entertainment, I feel sorry for them. Really, I do.

Okay, now that I've stepped on a bunch of toes and come across as a bit self-righteous, I hope you'll forgive me and consider what I'm saying anyway. Our kids don't need more gadgets ... they need more conversations. Face-to-face. And, just because "every other kid has a cell phone" doesn't mean you have to give in and get your youngsters one. Remember, you're supposed to be a parent, and parents don't always make popular decisions ... nor should they.

Do our kids need to keep up with the electronic world they've been born into? Perhaps. But don't lose any sleep over worrying about them falling behind if they don't have their own Kindle Fire or iPad by the time they're 8. They'll survive ... and catch up with their peers when you, as a parent, decide they're responsible enough or otherwise ready to have such things.

I really feel for parents of young kids today. Your choices are so much more complicated then they were when I was raising kids. But that doesn't change the bottom line. You're mom (or dad) and you get to set the rules. It will be their turn when they have kids of their own.

So, grab some kids books or magazines and sit down and read to your little ones. Or pull out Candyland or Monopoly (the board games, not the electronic ones!) and have an all day tournament. Head outside and throw an old-fashioned football around. Leave your cell phone at home, go out and take a walk. Go to the park and ride the swings. Build a snowman. Let your kids (and your spouse) know that nothing is more important to you than family. The message gets a bit muddied when you're reaching for your phone during family time. Turn it off. The rest of the world can, and should, wait. You're tied up in a meeting ... the really important kind.

Old-fashioned and loving it,

Hana

The demands of time and attention

Did you ever notice there are some weeks where the demands on your time seem overwhelming? Yeah, I'm kind of feeling that way today.

It's easy to push aside the little ones in your life when you get busy with other things and to view them as nuisances at times. This is not good. When I child feels he is "in the way," it knocks him down a notch in the self-worth department. On the other hand, children need to know they're not the center of the Universe, either. It's a tough juggling act, and the answer lies mostly in your attitude and how your react to their wants, needs or demands.

Right now, my grandbaby is sleeping in the other room. She needs absolutely nothing from me at this time. But that could change at any minute. And when it does, guess what? This blog post will fall by the wayside. Not that it's not important for me to get it written and posted, but priorities change at the sound of a little one's cry. Know what I mean? I hope so.