Monday, July 23, 2012

A Sabbath Experience long overdue

 My husband and I have been going through a rough patch since his retirement 2 1/2 months ago. A rough patch that actually led to a discussion about splitting up. After a brutally nasty argument late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, we finally sat down to talk around 8:30 last night. Thinking that the only way for either of us to be happy would be for us to go our separate ways, we agreed that this might be a good option. 

Then, after having said it, we came to our senses. Isn't it amazing how stupid ideas can fester in our minds until they are finally exposed to the air and spoken? The idea was ludicrous. And yet both of us have been thinking about it. Somewhere along the line, we disconnected. 

Both of us are incredibly unhappy right now. I'm longing for my hours alone that I've had nearly every weekday for countless years. He's longing to feel welcomed in his own home where he feels like an intruder. Ouch. 

I'm not sure what the solution is to our dilemma. What I am certain of is how much we love each other. Because of that love, and our commitment to each other, we will  work this out. Today, we're both feeling better than we have in a long time. Our Sabbath experience yesterday led to some healing, although we have a lot of work ahead of us. At least we were able to clear the air, and our minds, of some nasty stuff that was poisoning our relationship.

This is not an easy post to share. But maybe it will help some of you who may be struggling in your own marriages right now. I encourage you to be transparent. Don't allow the toxins of unspoken thoughts spread cancer through your relationship. I made that mistake and am so glad to discover I wasn't too late in starting the treatment that will lead to a cure.

My marriage is too important to me, and to my family, to allow anything to destroy it. Isn't yours?

Sharing my Sabbath experience and more,



  1. It's like the blister that flares up when you get a nasty burn. The blister is a sign of what's already happened, but it's also a sign of healing. Sometimes healing takes a while, and often there is a scar, but it all serves to remind us that we are overcoming or have overcome one hurt and we can overcome another. I'll keep you in my prayers as you work through all of this together.

  2. Thank you, Wanda. We appreciate it. Things really are much better today.

  3. You are both going through a major time of change, and change is really hard. It takes time to settle into a "new normal" when you retire, when you are no longer home alone by yourself during the day, etc. It's great that you are able to talk about this with each other. That's key!

    1. Somehow, I missed this comment earlier in the week. Thanks, Audrey.

  4. It seems like you have made the first step in mending things and figuring out some solutions. Thanks for sharing your story <3

  5. You're welcome, Sage. This was a tough one.

  6. I <3 you Hana and your family. My prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing this :-) Really, thank you!

  7. You're welcome, Jenn. I guess this sheds some light on my current state of mind, huh? Love you, too.


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