We are broken, but not unfixable

Photo credit: Wikipedia

You've probably heard the story or seen the meme about how broken vessels in Japan are repaired using gold (kintsukuroi). Often, they are more beautiful after they've been fixed than they were before they were broken. 


Pittsburgh needs some kintsukuroi right now. Evil has come into our city and, for now, we are broken. We are brokenhearted. 

This past Saturday, Shabbat, our shalom was shattered by a lone gunman, a vessel of evil perpetrating a Satanic deed. Satanic? Yes, that's what I believe. I refuse to call this anything but. 

In a season when we are reminded of death and evil in the lawn displays and in nearly every store, death and evil became all too real for the Squirrel Hill community in Pittsburgh. Squirrel Hill, my former home, and a neighborhood where many of my friends and acquaintances live, shop, and worship.

I spent Saturday in front of the television. How could I not? First there were reports of 8 deaths then 11. Eleven. Were there people I knew among the dead? I couldn't help wondering/praying/worrying. Although I heard from some, for the most part, I, like countless others, had to wait for the names to be announced on Sunday morning, just a few short hours after the last of the bodies were carried out of the Tree of Life Synagogue. 

And then, there it was. The list of names, none of which I was familiar with, but all of which affected so, so many. I was relieved, yet burdened with grief for people I did not know as well as those I knew who were undoubtedly affected by this news. People who had worshiped beside those who were now deceased. 

One of my students in the Osher program at Carnegie Mellon University responded to my email on Saturday with this short reply:

Dear Hana:

Thanks for your concern. Our synagogue is affected. Still don't know how many of the dead and wounded are ours.
Stan and I are Ok. I was heading to shul expecting a normal Shabbat, but friends told me police had surrounded the building where we meet. Don't know yet how many of our congregants are dead and wounded...I fear the worst....

sarah

Don't know "how many of our congregants are dead and wounded..." Can you imagine?

Image by Tim Hindes

Yes, we are broken, but we're not unfixable. As always, Pittsburgh's resilience will shine through. We will never be the same, especially the Jewish community here, but we will take the gold dust and, like the Japanese who practice kintsukuroi, we will celebrate our unique history, acknowledging the breaks and fractures, and we will emerge more beautiful and stronger than ever. After all, we're Pittsburgh. We're united in this senseless tragedy, and we'll be united in our healing.

Join me in praying for those most devastated by the shootings at the synagogue -- the families of the victims, the injured, the first responders, the children (oh Lord, bless the children), those who will be haunted by nightmares, and for the Squirrel Hill community at large. It was Mr. Rogers' neighborhood, so I'll end with 2 quotes from him:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."

and

We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say "It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem." Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider these people my heroes.

Someday, it will once again be a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Until then, let's not only look for the helpers... let's be the helpers.

Sharing my heart,

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Are you pulled in too many directions?

It happens. Our calendars fill up. Demands on our time increase. We run ourselves ragged throughout the day and collapse into bed in states of total exhaustion and weariness. Did you ever stop and ask yourself why? Maybe you should.

Image by Gerald_G

As someone who's been there far too often, I want to encourage you to do something. Sit down. Breathe. Even if it's just for a minute or two. Close your eyes and imagine being somewhere else. The beach. The mountains. In your sweetheart's arms.

Now grab your calendar and take an honest look at it. Is there anything on there you could eliminate? Do it. Is there something that causes dread when you think about it? Do you have to keep that appointment? And please note: I'm not talking about doctor or dentist appointments you may be dreading. Keep them! But maybe there's an upcoming social event you feel obligated to attend, even though you don't want to. Ask yourself why you are going.

I know a woman who used to gather with high school friends for every birthday. The group of women would go out to dinner and every time my friend would complain about it. She didn't enjoy being part of this group anymore. She'd outgrown them. So why was she still filling her calendar with these gatherings? It was an obligation. When she finally realized she didn't have to continue being part of this group, the burden was lifted off of her and she was able to free up quite a few evenings in her year. Ahhh... relief. Did the others understand? Maybe not. But who cares??

So often, we live our lives to please others. I'm not saying we shouldn't put others first at times. But there has to be a balance.

After my first husband died, I decided to go back to college and finish my degree. At the time, I was a 32-year-old single mom with two small children. I met with someone at the university and discovered that many of my credits were no longer valid because they didn't offer the courses anymore. What? That made no sense to me. So instead of being a senior, I was going to start back as a junior. I originally double-majored in theater arts and creative writing. I no longer cared about the theater degree, so I planned to pursue a degree in writing. As they looked at the courses I'd taken, they said I had already fulfilled all of my writing requirements. They set up a schedule for me. It included chemistry, calculus, and some other lame-to-me courses. One thing was clear -- I was going to hate school. I had to do some soul searching. Why did I really want the degree? It was a simple answer: I wanted to do it for my mother. Once I knew that answer, I looked at what my life would be like if I enrolled in the next semester. Since I didn't have any family in Pittsburgh, I would have to have babysitters care for my children. I would have to drive into Oakland and find parking, despite the weather. I would have to listen to boring lectures about subjects I had zero interest in. And my evenings would be spent studying the aforementioned subjects. Fun times. The end result would be a miserable mommy for my little girls. What was all that for again? Oh yeah, for my mother.

I decided to skip the degree.

And you know what? It's okay. I did what was best for me and for my family at the time. And not once since then, have I ever been asked if I had a degree. I now teach writing at Carnegie Mellon University for their Osher program. I teach writing at conferences. I present writing workshops. I run a writers' group. I coach writers. And not taking chemistry or calculus has affected me in any negative way. Sometimes, you just have to let go of other people's expectations.

So look at your calendar again. Look at it honestly. Are your kids in activities someone else wants them to be in? Are you pushing them to do things they don't want to do? Would it be so bad if your kids didn't participate in everything your sister's kids participate in? Is there a competition going on here? Just some questions for you to ponder.

Freeing up some time can rescue you from the Gumby syndrome. After all, it's really not that cool to be stretched in that many directions. Let me know if you find a way out.

Sharing my thoughts on life,

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