Make it stop!

My hair is falling out. I'm not talking alopecia or anything like that, but there's enough hair loss to bother me. I look at my brush, with my hair intertwined amidst the bristles and quietly scream, "Make it stop!"

So, I did some research and this is what I found out:

Scalp massage is a good way to boost hair follicles into kicking it up a notch on supplying the nutrients your hair needs to grow. By moving your fingertips with slight pressure in a circular motion for a few minutes before you shampoo or no poo, it will help stop the shedding... somewhat. 

For an extra boost, use cypress oil on your fingertips as you massage. Cypress oil will help with hair growth and slow down the hair-falling-out syndrome.

No cypress oil handy? Grab some olive oil. Because of its anti-inflammatory properties, olive oil will help prevent hair loss as well.

Other oils which are beneficial to your locks -- rosemary, almond, castor, avocado, lavender, sage, and coconut.

Now, hop in a steamy shower and massage away. Better yet, grab your spouse and let him/her do it for you. You can say it was my idea. 

Keeping it green and lovely,

Mothball toxicity -- Fact or Fiction?

Do you ever get tired of being mocked for your green and healthy lifestyle? I sure do. No matter how much I don't want to feel this way, I'm still hurt when people make snide remarks about me or the advice I give.


Today, when someone posted something on FB about mothballs, I mentioned how they were toxic and someone else commented that they were pretty sure they weren't going to eat them. Nice. You know, just because you may choose to surround yourself with toxins and carcinogens, doesn't mean that those of us who are trying to avoid those things are wrong... or crazy. Don't think I don't see the rolling of the eyes as my daughters and I try to protect our families from the dangerous chemicals being practically shoved down our throats on a daily basis.

Yes, we are cloth diapering crazies. We believe in protecting the babies from the toxic chemicals in disposable diapers. We also have problems with the whole just-toss-it-in-the-trash mentality. We care about the future of the planet. And the health, now and in the future, of the children. If, and there's no way of knowing it right now, the chemicals in disposable diapers cause infertility, I certainly wouldn't want my kids or grandkids blaming me sometime in the future, for diapering them in the very toxins that ended up rendering them infertile. You know what I mean?

I have a friend who always takes organic milk with her for her children when she goes to visit her in-laws. The result? She has to hear, "Oh, here she comes with her own milk. I guess we're all going to die from drinking our milk." Seriously? Why is she wrong for trying to protect her children from the antibiotics and hormones in conventional milk? 

Since when did it become unpopular to try to do what's best for our families? If that includes limiting as much exposure to toxins as possible, so be it! And the fact of the matter is that moth balls are toxic. If I didn't care about others, I just would keep my mouth shut. But I do care. It's not some silly tree hugging bandwagon I've hopped upon as my pet project for the time being. 

So, if you've read this far into my rant, and you're wondering exactly what it is that's so bad about mothballs, here it is: they contain the chemicals paradichlorobenzene (PCDB) and naphthalene, known carcinogens. Granted, some of the newer ones no longer contain naphthalene (due to its flammability and toxicity), they still contain PCDB. 

They are also extremely toxic to pets, and not just through ingestion. Keep in mind, it's not eating the mothballs that repels the moths -- it's the vapors that keep them away. 

According to PetPoisonHelpline.com:

The chemicals in mothballs can be inhaled, absorbed through the skin, or absorbed through the stomach and intestines. Cats are more sensitive to the toxic effects of mothballs, but dogs are more likely to ingest mothballs. Naphthalene mothballs, or old-fashioned mothballs, are considered the most toxic type of mothball. Modern PDB mothballs are less toxic but still can cause illness, especially when ingested. Clinical signs of mothball poisoning include vomiting, mothball-scented breath, pale or brown gums, weakness or lethargy, difficulty breathing, tremors, seizures, and organ failure (e.g., liver, kidneys).

Gee, why don't we all load up on them? Just make sure to keep the vet's number on speed dial!  

According to the EPA:

• Acute exposure of humans to naphthalene by inhalation, ingestion, and dermal contact is associated with hemolytic anemia, damage to the liver, and, in infants, neurological damage.  Symptoms of acute exposure include headache, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, malaise, confusion, anemia, jaundice, convulsions, and coma. 
• Cataracts have been reported in humans acutely exposed to naphthalene by inhalation and ingestion.  Cataracts have also been reported in animals following acute oral exposure. 

Even without naphthalene, breathing in vapors from mothballs can cause headaches, nausea, vomiting, respiratory issues, diarrhea, dizziness, fatigue, and abdominal pain.

There are a variety of non-toxic alternatives to mothballs. Cedar oil, often infused in blocks of wood, is a good deterrent. Also, moths are repelled by the following herbs and essential oils: 

• cloves
• fresh rosemary
• lavender
• eucalyptus
• cinnamon
• sweet woodruff
• bay leaves

You can make your own sachets or shop in your local health food stores for ready made ones. 

Despite what your grandmother or other well-meaning, but misinformed, friend might have to say, you do not have to expose your family to toxins in order to keep moths away from your clothes, blankets and linens. Protect your belongings and your family and pets... the natural way. Stand firm and stand tall, my friends. We're not wackos. Just people who care.

Keeping it green and healthy,

The new generation... perhaps one that will care

Image by Peter Griffin

Mother Earth is hurting. 

And she needs a generation of thoughtful, 

 caring and active kids like all of you 

to protect her for the future.

~ Leonardo DiCaprio

The Roman Empire, a Revolutionary War Hero, and me

TGIVF!

Do you ever get sick of health and weight loss trends? It seems a new one pops up every week or so (especially on The Dr. Oz Show). It's maddening trying to sort it all out.

So, what does the Roman Empire, a Revolutionary War Hero and me have in common?

We all recognize the wondrous power of apple cider vinegar!

At my writers' group this past Monday, one of the members asked me about Francis Marion.

"Who's Francis Marion?" I asked.

"You don't know who Francis Marion was?" John was incredulous. "The Swamp Fox?"

Clueless, I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders.

"Revolutionary War?"

I shook my head. He looked around the room to see other blank faces.

"Doesn't anyone know their history?" he barked, clearly frustrated.


I confess, history is not my strong suit. John proceeded to tell me about this Revolutionary War hero who drank vinegar on a regular basis. I came home and Googled him.

Turns out, Francis Marion, aka The Swamp Fox, was indeed a hero from the Revolutionary War. Born in 1732 in South Carolina, he was the youngest of six or seven children (depends on the source). He was known as The Swamp Fox because he was skilled at attacking the British and then escaping via the swamps. 

He also was a teetotaler. While his troops sat around the fire at night imbibing in spirits, Marion sipped from his canteen filled with water and apple cider vinegar. Smart man! Many say this is what fortified him with incredible endurance.

But accounts of consuming  ACV go much further back... all the way to the Roman Empire. Posca, a popular drink of the time, was made by mixing a variety of herbs with water and vinegar. Some say this is the drink that "powered the Roman Empire." Are we surprised?

So, there's a bit of history for your Vinegar Friday. Now you have the opportunity to win a copy of my book, VINEGAR FRIDAYS and find out the many reasons why I, too, drink ACV. Simply enter on the Rafflecopter by answering this question: Why was Francis Marion known as The Swamp Fox.

Open to US and Canada only. Winner will be announced on the next Vinegar Friday -- 1/24/14.

Good luck!  

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The danger in your recycling bin

As you know, I'm a strong proponent of recycling. My family recycles as much as we can, including batteries. As a matter of fact, my daughter started a battery recycling program at our church. However, after watching the video below today, I'll be changing my ways a bit. 

You see, there is danger involved whenever you have 9 volt batteries laying around, whether in your junk drawer or recycling container, unless you do one simple thing. 

First, let's look at what is so dangerous about them. 

According to a press release, New Hampshire Fire Marshal, William Degnan states that a 9 volt battery is a fire hazard because of the positioning of the positive and negative posts which are right next to each other. If the end of the battery comes into contact with anything metal (paper clip, other batteries, scissors, aluminum foil), this can cause the 9 volt battery to heat up and ignite. Scary stuff. So, how many of you are heading to your junk drawers to see if you have any 9 volt batteries tossed in there? What about your battery recycling containers? 

In the video below, you'll see how a house was destroyed by a 9 volt battery. Apparently, it's not an uncommon occurrence, which is why I felt the need to share this information with you. 

Many people follow the advice to switch your smoke detector batteries annually, or semi-annually. When you do that, you are placing a still-live 9 volt battery aside with enough juice left to burn down your house. Yikes! 

So, what do you do? The solution is simple. Keep a roll of electrical tape with your battery recycling container and cover the positive and negative posts of the battery before you put it in the bin. If you open a package with two 9 volt batteries and use only one, do not put the battery in your junk drawer without doing the same thing. Yes, it's just a 9 volt battery. But please believe me, that even after it's been used, it could still have enough juice to light a fire. 

Protect your home and your loved ones. It's easy and it's important.

The eulogy

Last year, on January 15th, my mother died.

I was honored to present her eulogy at her memorial service a few days later and I would love to share it with you. You see, by telling you about my mom, I'm keeping her alive for just a bit longer. Please excuse the quality of the recording and thank you for listening. 

Hana 

If there is no volume, click here to access the file.

Gas and electric bills -- after the polar vortex... YIKES!

Image by Peter Griffin

 
We had quite a cold spell last week when the polar vortex descended upon us. With the overuse of furnaces and electric heaters, there was a concern about power outages, so the electric companies were asking consumers to conserve energy, particularly during the hours of 3 - 7 p.m. 

My husband and I complied. We didn't do laundry. We ran the dishwasher in the morning. Then we went a step beyond and unplugged everything that wasn't in use. Of course, we do a lot of that anyway, but last week we did a bit more. We rarely leave our microwave plugged in, and never leave our toaster, coffee maker, chargers, or heaters plugged in. Why let those electricity vampires suck up energy, which translates to higher electric bills? What about you? Do you unplug as much as you should? What other ways do you save energy?

Image by Petr Kratochvil

Here are some other tips for lowering your use of gas and electric. The bonus is more money at the end of the month!

• Dim the lights -- it's romantic, flattering, and cost effective.
• Turn off the lights -- if they're not serving a purpose, flip the switch.
• Eliminate air pockets around doors and windows -- even if you have to pad them with towels until you can come up with a permanent solution, pad away!
• Is there a clear path to your vents -- a sofa blocking the heat really defeats the purpose of having a vent in your living room. Move it!
• Clean your furnace filter -- clean filters ease up the load on your furnace. Don't make it work so hard.
• Run full loads in your dishwasher -- while you don't want to overload it, make sure it's actually full enough to run.
• Use a toaster oven -- toaster ovens are idea for small casseroles, heating up leftovers, etc. If it fits in the toaster oven, why heat up an entire oven?

  

Image by Shari Weinsheimer

 

• Turn on your ceiling fans -- this can help keep the warm air from rising and heating the ceiling. Yes, it will use electricity but it will also circulate the warm air.
• Turn off your computer -- when not in use, put your computer to sleep or turn it off altogether.
• Turn off your television -- if you're not watching it, it's sucking up quite a bit of electricity just to provide "background noise." Besides, maybe it would behoove you and the rest of the family to enjoy some periods of silence. Quiet time is good for all of us.
• Set your thermostat to 68 degrees or lower. 
• Turn down the setting on your water heater -- U.S. Department of Energy recommends setting your tank to 120 degrees, unless you have a dishwasher, which requires a setting of 140 degrees.

If we all work together, we can help avert a power shortage when the next blast of cold comes our way. 

Keeping it green by cutting back my energy use,

 

Weekend Quote -- the wisdom of George Carlin

Image by Lilla Frerichs

“Trying to be happy 

by accumulating possessions 

is like trying to satisfy hunger 

by taping sandwiches all over your body.”

 ~ George Carlin

Raising children is a creative endeavor, an art rather than a science.
Bruno Bettelheim
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/b/bruno_bettelheim.html#Cx2lTbIEsFH5vpuL.99

A Facebook 'likes' giveaway

I'm happy to be part of this giveaway, celebrating 8,000 'likes' on the Purple Monster Coupons Facebook page. There are over 60 prizes, including a signed copy of my book, Vinegar Fridays!

Being a fan of the Green Grandma Facebook page earns you an entry right off the bat!

Want to see the awesome prizes up for grabs? Just click here. Over 60 winners will receive something from this great prize package!

Good luck.

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Rethinking lighting options

Are you among the many who are disturbed by the phasing out of traditional incandescent lightbulbs, especially with the new law that went into effect one week ago about 40 and 60 Watt bulbs? As of January 1, 2014, it is illegal to manufacture or import these bulbs, thanks to a mandate signed by former President Bush in 2007. As you know, I'm not a fan of CFLs, so I'm really looking for a good alternative. 

So, have you heard of the GE reveal® bulb yet? I'm excited to try them out this week. Stay tuned for my review next Wednesday. In the meantime, check out this video to see why there is quite a buzz about these bulbs. Then... download Target's money-saving Cartwheel app (available on Apple IOS here and Android here). Head over to Target for an exclusive discount of 25% off GE reveal® bulbs with the Cartwheel app, good through February 1, 2014.

I'll let you know next week what I think of these revolutionary new lightbulbs.

A birthday

Today would have been my mom's 87th birthday. She died just 8 days after her 86th, and I was blessed to have the spent her last birthday with her. Mom and I went out to breakfast at one of her favorite restaurants in Lititz, PA. It was her last meal out. My husband and I went into Manheim on January 5th and spent 5 days with her before heading back to Pittsburgh on the 10th. On the morning of January 12th, I received the phone call that she was found in her bed, unconscious, and was on her way to the hospital. She died 3 mornings later.

While we were in Manheim, we played quite a few hands of competitive Pinochle (over 20, if I remember correctly). Mom kept score and won more than her share of hands. She was sharp. Other than fatigue and hip, back, and knee pain, she was doing well. Widowed twice, Mom lived alone in the house I grew up in. A chair lift transported her between floors and she did okay. 

Her death was a complete surprise.

We never know how long we have on this earth. We sometimes take life -- ours and others -- for granted. My adult children often said, "Grandma is never going to die," and somewhere inside them, I think they believed that. After all, losing her was unimaginable. 

When is the last time you talked to your folks? If they're still alive, I encourage you to pick up the phone and give them a call. Better yet, arrange for a visit (in the not too distant future). The best gift you can give them is time with them. Don't wait until it's too late. Don't wait until there will be nothing left but memories and regrets.

I am beyond thankful I spent those 5 days with her last January, although I regret daily that I didn't make the trip more often. Sure, it was 240 miles one way. Sure, it was a bit costly, with the rising price of gasoline and PA Turnpike tolls. Sure, it was difficult to get away from work sometimes. But I'd give almost anything to make that trip again... to walk in the front door of our home on Oak Street, cross the living room, and lean down and hug her as she sat on her light blue couch watching a Hallmark movie or one of her favorite shows. Anything. Do you hear me?

Make the call. Make the trip. Do it for Mom, in honor of her birthday.

Hana

Global warming? Who are you kidding?

Image by Anna Langova

Wow. The new year is starting off with a blast... literally. An arctic blast, otherwise known as the polar vortex. For many, if not most of us, the temperatures are a bit too low, and they're descending even lower as I type this. Yikes, it's cold out there in Pittsburgh! Even my computer keeps freezing! I've heard from others in the community who are shivering in their boots in Ohio, Missouri, Michigan, and even Alabama. So, what's this all about, Al Gore??

I'm sure you've heard them by now -- all the jokes about Global Warming, which basically mock the premise that there is an environmental crisis going on. How do you respond?

The thing is, global warming is not just about where you live. That's why it's called "global." It's about the entire globe. If you look at the trends around the world month by month, year by year, this brief snap of cold in the US means little. That's all there is to it. Global. Get it? Overall, as long as greenhouse gases continue to increase, so will the Earth's temps.

You may be wishing for a tiny bit of that warmth right now -- hang in there. In no time, we'll all be complaining about the heat again!

In the meantime, whether you "believe" in global warming or not, the fact remains that we have to start taking better care of our planet. The toxic chemicals, genetically modified organisms, out-of-control waste, polluted air and water, etc., etc. are not going to simply go away. WE -- you and I -- have to do our part each and every day to show that we truly do care about the Earth and about the planet we'll be leaving behind for our children and our children's children's children.

Now, go grab a steaming mug of something and snuggle up with a loved one. This, too, shall pass.

Weekend quote -- the wisdom of the Indians

 

Only when the last tree has died 

and the last river been poisoned 

 and the last fish been caught 

will we realize we cannot eat money.

-- Cree Indian Proverb

New Year, New You Giveaway!

Welcome to the New Year, New You Giveaway.

Organized by Mom Powered Media. Co-hosted by My Dairy-Free Gluten-Free Life, Memoirs of a Clueless Woman, Mother of Imperfection, The Frugal Exerciser and Secret Southern Couture.

So, how many of you are looking to transform yourself in one way or another in the new year? What kind of promises have you made? Have you made plans to help you reach your goals?

I really need to put my focus on exercise this year. While I did manage to get within three pounds of what was my target weight for years, I also managed to gain six pounds over the last couple of weeks. So, instead of setting a new goal, I have to work at losing the nine pounds to reach the weight I was aiming for to begin with. Whew. It's a non-ending cycle, isn't it?

Actually losing the weight came with its own set of frustrations for me. My pants no longer fit! I do not like jeans that are baggy in the thighs or butt and that's exactly what I ended up with. It's too bad we can't dictate where the weight comes off. I want to lose above the waist and instead lost below it. My goal now is to match my top with my bottom, which will take a bit of exercise.

The necessity for exercise is not just for my appearance, however. It's more about my health. As a diabetic, I know how important it is to maintain a healthy weight, so I'm going for it. I'll have to check back with you next year and let you know how I did. 

What about you? Are you willing to take a healthy eating/exercise challenge? Let me know your goals and then plan to come back here in a year and brag about them!

In the meantime, check out this fantastic giveaway. You just might be the winner of a ProForm Performance 400 S Treadmill or another great prize!

Emperola.com is the best place where to list your giveaway or sweepstakes for free. We highly recommend to use "featured listing" to get more contestants. Besides that, you can now enter for a chance to win $80 via Paypal!

One grand prize winner will receive a ProForm Performance 400 S Treadmill. Additional winners will receive one of the following: a $250 Visa Gift Card, $100 GAP Gift Card and Body Gospel DVD!

Giveaway ends January 31st at 11:59pm, open to US and Canadian residents only, ages 18+. To enter please use the giveaway form below. Good luck!

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Disclaimer: The participating bloggers were not compensated for this post. We are not associated with any of the companies named above. No purchase is necessary to enter. One entrant per household. Void where prohibited by law. The odds of winning are based on the number of entries received. Confirmed Winner(s) (by Random.org) will be contacted by email. Winner(s) have 48 hours to respond before a new winner is chosen. The sponsor(s) will be responsible for product shipment to winner(s) of this giveaway. My blog is not responsible for product shipment/delivery. This event is in no way administered, sponsored, or endorsed by, or associated with, Facebook and/or Twitter, Google, Pinterest. This disclosure is done in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 10 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

My favorite posts of 2013

Well, here we are on the final day of 2013. It's been quite a year. I must admit, in many ways, it's been one of the most difficult years for me personally. Losing my mom on January 15th set me on a path of grief unlike any I've ever experienced. At times, the pain threatened to swallow me whole and I wondered how I would go on.

Throughout the months, I shared bits of my journey. Now that we've reached the end of the year, I thought we'd revisit some of my favorite posts of 2013. I've included the links to bits of my grief journey for any of you who may be experiencing something similar. My hope is for you to find some comfort in the universality of our journey. 

Below those links are links to other topics I feel passionate about. I hope you'll find the time to read or reread some of Green Grandma's favorite posts. 

My grandbabies -- the reason I do what I do. And my husband -- without whom I'd be lost.

January

Saying Goodbye  -- The beginning of my grief journey

The surprising hiding places for triclosan -- This dangerous toxin is in more than just antibacterial soap!

February

Sharing a little bit more of my currently broken heart -- A rawer look at the journey

Fracking, bottled water, and Keurig Cups -- not seeing eye-to-eye -- How a discussion at church led to a rant

March

Returning to an empty house -- What it was like to go home again

The iPotty ... Tell me it isn't so! -- High tech toilet training. Yikes!

April

Monday Morning Reflections -- There's no place like home -- Experiencing joy again, at least for the time being

Are you still using plastic grocery bags? Why? -- An attempt to motivate readers to shop with reusable bags

Something went terribly wrong -- My reflections on the tragedy in Boston during the marathon

May

Life. It goes on -- I survived my first Mother's Day without my mom... and I gleaned some grains of joy

Vinegar Friday -- In honor of moms -- Tips on using vinegar from moms in the community

June 

A grandfather clock, a family of bluebirds, and a lifelong friend -- In the midst of the grief journey, friends can be the most valuable asset

An airplane, a squirmy toddler, and a random act of kindness -- How getting the last seat on the plane to Chicago ended up being a huge blessing

July

To everything there is a season... -- Delayed grief. It can be brutal

A game of hide-and-seek with SC Johnson -- Revealing the truth about toxins in popular products

August

Hmmm. This is the first month I didn't blog about my grief journey.

Screen time and toddlers: How much is too much? --What do researchers say?

September

Another month without a nod to my grief

Grandparents Day -- Hype or ...  -- The value of grandparents

October

We need a David to take down Goliath -- The fight against Monsanto -- it's a fight we must win!

November

Hero in Aisle Six -- A poem to honor our veterans -- Sharing one of my poems to honor our heroes

December

From coal to diamonds... saying goodbye -- The final visit to my childhood home

Fired up on Vinegar Friday -- Expressing some outrage over the Fisher-Price Newborn-to-Toddler Apptivity Seat

Thicker than Blood -- The story of a courtship -- mine and my husband's to be exact!

Thanks for sticking with me this year. It was a tough one, but I'm looking ahead to a fantastic 2014. Let's make it greener and healthier... the common sense way!

New Year, New You T4

Ready for a better you? Winning a ProForm Performance 400 S Treadmill couldn't hurt!

Please click on the follow button to follow each Twitter user. Then go back to the rafflecopter form to claim your entries. Thank you.

Looking to what's ahead

 

Image by Ronald Carlson

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...”

― Alfred Tennyson

A bit of vinegar wisdom from King Solomon

TGIVF!

Well, here it is, the final Vinegar Friday of the year. I saw my five-year-old granddaughter today and out of the blue she asked me, "Green Grandma, is this a vinegar Friday?" I just cracked up!

I had no idea what I was going to blog about today, but as I was reading my Bible this morning, the answer came to me from a verse in Proverbs:

"Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers." -- Proverbs 10:26

That's it! I needed to remind you if you are taking vinegar for health reasons or for weight loss, as I've suggested many times in the past few years, remember to rinse your mouth out with water afterwards so the vinegar does not eat away at your tooth enamel. Even Solomon understood that this could happen!

Thank you for your support of vinegar Fridays this year. And if you haven't purchased it yet, consider buying a copy of my book to keep my vinegar tips close at hand all year long (and not just on Fridays!). 

Keeping it green with vinegar,

Green Grandma's Vinegar Fridays is available on Amazon.com and Lulu.com or contact me at greengrandma@comcast.net for a signed copy.

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

Image courtesy of Karen's Whimsy

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

Thicker than Blood

Bill and me Dec. 2013

Bill and I started dating on December 20, 1989. Here is our story, as seen in the new edition of CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL: THE DATING GAME. I hope it inspires you during this season of love.

Thicker than Blood

“He’s ten years older than me!” I said to my friend, Kathy, as she tried talking me into meeting her husband’s best friend.

       “You don’t have to marry him; just go out with him. I hate seeing two of my closest friends hurting the way you are and thought you’d be good company for each other.”

Recently widowed at the age of thirty-two, I was anxious to be married again. Bill, on the other hand, was separated, with no plans to ever have another wife. Yet, once I agreed to meet him, we clicked and started spending all our available time together.

With four daughters between us, alone time was a precious commodity. We spent hours on the phone, talking late into the night. With each passing month, we grew closer and closer. Yet, we still had opposite marriage goals for our lives.

        It wasn’t long before I was, as they say, head over heels in love with Bill. He’d walk into a room and take my breath away. However, my feelings made him uncomfortable. After all, he was still in love with his wife, and wanted nothing more than to work things out with her. While I agreed that would be the best thing for him and for their two daughters, it was apparent the family was not going to reunite.

He admitted his struggle one night as we sat listening to The Moody Blues. “I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I have strong feelings for you and can’t imagine my life without you, but I still love her.”

“Of course, you do,” I empathized. “I’m not asking you to stop loving her. Loving me doesn’t preclude how you feel about her.”

“I don’t understand. How could I possibly love both of you? It just isn’t right.”

“Who says it isn’t? Don’t you think I still love Jim?”

“That’s different. Your husband is dead.”

I paused, trying to put my thoughts into words. “Do you remember how you felt about April when she was born?”

“I loved her with everything in me. What does that have to do with anything?”

      “Well, when you found out you were going to have another baby, didn’t you wonder how you could possibly love a second child the way you loved the first?”

Still confused, he answered me. “I guess so.”

“So, when Mindy was born, did you have to take some of your love away from April in order to love her?”

“Of course not. I just loved her... as much as I loved her sister.”

“Exactly,” I said, confident my point was made, “you didn’t have to split that love in two to share it. Your heart simply grew.”

“That’s a good way of putting it. But I still don’t understand what that has to do with us,” questioned Bill.

“Well, I’m not asking you to stop loving your first wife. She’s the mother of your children and you were with her for over twenty years. Love like that doesn’t go away. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love me, too. You just have to give your heart permission to grow.”

Over the next few days, he thought about what I said. And then, it happened. Not only did he allow his heart to grow, but he also gave himself permission to say the words I desperately wanted to hear.

“I love you, Hana,” he said gently, tears filling his eyes. “I really love you.”

A few months later, sitting across the table from me at the restaurant where we’d had our first date, he asked me to marry him. Naturally, I said yes.

We’ve been married for over twenty years now. My children, who were only nine and seven when we wed, were blessed with the best daddy they could have hoped for. Now, with children of their own, Grandpap is the heart of the family.

“You’ll never find anyone who will love Bethany and Jessica as much as Jim did,” a relative told me the week after my husband’s death.

She was wrong. Bill loves my girls, our girls, as much as he ever loved his own two daughters. Blood is thicker than water? Maybe. But love is much thicker than blood.

~Hana Haatainen Caye

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL: THE DATING GAME

©2013