Real Heroes

Well, Green Bay beat the Steelers...which was a disappointment for those of us in Pittsburgh who root for their home team. Living in a Championship City makes one painfully aware of 'sports obsession,' which, here in Pittsburgh, is a major thing. Lately, with all the "Stairway to Seven" hoopla (as in a seventh Super Bowl win), it has made me think about heroes. Pittsburgh fans are LOUD! They cheer their teams on with unbridled enthusiasm. They don jerseys of their favorite players...their heroes.

At church yesterday, I stood out in the sea of black and gold. I was wearing a jean skirt, brown sweater and brown tights. Now I knew better than to wear green, but I just don't do the Steeler garb. Oversized jerseys are not the most flattering look on me. Not that I didn't enjoy the game or do my share of shouting at the television; I just didn't dress the part.

Heroes. Is it wrong to elevate overpaid athletes, or movie stars for that matter? Maybe not, but today I want to sing the praises of the most underappreciated, and underpaid, people I know. Stay-at-home moms. Like my two daughters, Bethany and Jessica, who have chosen to forego careers to stay at home with their children. They are my heroes.

Back in the early '80s, I performed in the show Working, based on the book Working: People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do by Studs Terkel. In the book, Terkel interviews people about their jobs. Some of the interviews were turned into a musical showcasing a wide variety of careers. One of the songs has remained in my mind for nearly three decades. It is called "Just a Housewife" with lyrics by Craig Carnelia. I'm going to post the words of the song here, because I think they so brilliantly reflect what a housewife/SAHM experiences. This was a song, that when I sang it in the show, resonated within my soul.

All I am is just a housewife
Nothing special, nothing great
What I do is kinda boring
If you'd rather, it can wait

All I am is someone's mother
All I am is someone's wife
All of which seems unimportant
All it is is
Just my life

Do the laundry, wash the dishes
Take the dog out, clean the house
Shop for groceries, look for specials
God it sounds so, Mickey Mouse

Drop the kids off, pick the shirts up
Try to lose weight, try again
Keep the troops fed, pick their things up
Lose your patience, count to ten

(2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10

4..5..6..7..8..9..)

All I am is just a housewife
Just a housewife, nothing great
What I do is "out of fashion"
What I feel is out of date

All I am is someone's mother
Right away I'm not too bright
What I do is unfulfulling
So the T.V. talk-shows tell me every night

I don't mean to complain at all
but they make you feel like you're two feet tall
when you're just a wife

(Just a housewife)

All the magazines
make a bunch of beans
out of family life

(My life)

You're a "whiz" if you go to work
but you're just a jerk if you say you won't

(Just a housewife)

People say that they think it's fine
if the choice is mine
but you know they don't

What I do, what I choose to do
may be dumb to you
but it's not to me

Is it dumb that they need me there?
Is it dumb to care?
Cause I do, you see

And I mean, did ya ever think,
really stop and think
what a job it was --

Doing all the things
that a housewife does?

I'm afraid it's unimpressive

(All I am is someone's mother
nothing special)

What I do is

(What I do is)

Unexciting

(Kinda dull)

Take the kids here,

Take the kids there

("Mommy...")

I don't mean to complain at all

(All I am is...

All I am is...)

Busy, busy...

Everyday

(All I am is...)

Like my mother...

(All I am is...)

Just a housewife


Don't you love the lines, "Is it dumb that they need me there? Is it dumb to care? Cause I do you see"??

Now, before all of you working moms jump all over me, I am not, in any way, putting you down! That is not what this is about. In the midst of all the football hoopla, I just want to give a shout out to stay-at-home-moms, because they don't have bosses or coworkers patting them on the back, giving them promotions, sending them flowers on Secretary's Day (or whatever the politically correct term is these days), giving them Christmas bonuses or any of the other things that go along with working outside of the home. What do they get? Oh yeah...snotty faced kisses and endless recitings of the alphabet. And you know what? Nothing can beat that for them.

But what they deserve is a stadium full of screaming fans waving Terrible Towels...or maybe some well-worn cloth diapers! They deserve media attention and society's devotion. Well guess what? I am a fan. A devoted, diehard fan. And in the Super Bowl of life, you ladies are all winners!

And that's what I wanted to share with you today because it has been on my mind a lot lately.

Yes, I know it's Monday and I usually write about my Sabbath Experiment on Mondays. But I really didn't have anything exciting to share about that. Although I do have a confession to make. Due to the blessing of an enormous workload last week, I did end up having to put a few hours in at the office yesterday. But, believe me, I fully intend on resuming my day of rest this coming weekend. I'll let you know how that goes next Monday!

Sharing my heart,

Hana

Expectations of a new mom

Do you know what I think is the most destructive force in the life of a new mom? Personal expectations. After all, many girls grow up dreaming of what it will be like when they have a baby of their own. Many times they base their expectations on their perception of their mother's experiences. If she was a SAHM and they plan to follow in her footsteps, they expect things to be the way they were for her. If she worked outside the home, they think that will be a breeze.

The problem is, we often don't perceive reality when we're small children. We may think our moms had an easy time of it, but chances are our perceptions are false. If Mom kept the house in perfect order, we think we'll be able to do the same. If Mom always had dinner on the table by 6 even though she worked 9-5, we expect similar mealtime routines. What we don't remember, perhaps, is the bags under Mom's eyes. She may have made it look easy to us, but we were children, after all, and our perception reflects that. Besides, as children, did we even notice the pile of laundry that sat on the couch for 3 days or the TV dinners she popped in the oven?

The bottom line is, it's not easy being a mother. Period.

The sweet cooing of a baby is often replaced by the sounds of colic. The sweet baby smell dissipates with each poopy diaper. The sweet caresses of your husband suddenly seem like nothing more than an annoyance. Sex becomes just one more thing on your to-do list and, generally, if you had your way, it wouldn't even be on the list at all. Besides, with all the changes your body is going through, the last thing you feel is sexy.

You stay-at-home-moms may have expected to have a perfectly clean home once you were able to quit work and be home full-time. You imagined full course meals, fresh baked bread and time to clip coupons. But you probably didn't take into account the constant demands of a newborn, nor could you have possibly perceived the overwhelming fatigue you would experience in those first few months.

Being up with a baby throughout the night only to have the alarm ring at 6 so you can put on your corporate attire and head out for day, creates a different picture than what you had imagined, doesn't it? A question will haunt you: How did my mother do this? You might even be moved to write her a note, thanking her for the sacrifices she made...if only you weren't too tired to lift a pen.

Expectations are rarely realistic. Acknowledging this can make the transistion from tired-pregnant-lady to exhausted-young-mom a little bit easier. Every baby is different and the dynamics in your family are not the same as the dynamics in someone else's. You are not supermom and no one expects you to be, so cut yourself a break and enjoy today for what it is. Tomorrow will present its own challenges and rewards.

If you're hooked on expectations, expect this: diapers aren't the only changes ahead. Ride the wave...you'll come out on top and your kids will grow up thinking you had it all together after all.

Keeping it emotionally healthy,

Hana

A tree hugger I'm not...redux

Since I've had so many new visitors lately, I've decided to repost the first blog entry I wrote, back in August. I just like to remind people of what the Green Grandma blog is all about.

Of course, the site has evolved somewhat since its inception, and the focus is not always on environmental issues, but also includes health-related posts, particularly in the realm of children's health. Sometimes I even deal with mental health issues.

But it can all be wrapped up in my mission statement of "combining old-fashioned ways with 21st century common sense..." Whether I write about the environment or health, it all comes down to common sense solutions to the problems.

With that said, here is a repost of my very first blog entry from August 20, 2009, with an update:

A while back, my cousin suggested I start blogging on environmental issues and call my site, Green Grandma. It took a few months of contemplating my purpose in this.

First of all, don't let the name fool you...I'm by no means a liberal tree-hugger. Politically, I lean more toward a moderate to conservative point of view. However, I get quite frustrated with the whole concept of one party over the other caring about the environment. I, for one, do care. As a matter of fact, I seem to care much more than many of the people I know who lean a different way.

That said, let me expound on why I'm starting this blog and why my cousin, Kelly, suggested the name "Green Grandma" for me.

In October of 2008, my precious first grandbaby was born to my youngest daughter. The lovely little Lady Laura has motivated me to be even more environmentally conscious than I'd been in the past. After all, this is the world we're leaving behind for her. I have to care.
Fortunately, my concern for the environment has spilled over to my daughters as well. As a result, Laura wears only cloth diapers. We will never add a disposable diaper to a landfill because it goes against everything in us.

Ewww. Many of you are cringing right now. Why? Because a parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle/babysitter might get their hands a little dirty? Oh please. Rinsing out a cloth diaper in the toilet is not all that difficult. Messy? Sometimes. But doable. And well worth it. Every time I hang diapers on the line to dry, I remind myself that I am investing in Laura's future. Maybe I don't have much money to put aside for her. But I can invest in this planet she'll inherit.

There are a lot of naysayers when it comes to using cloth diapers. People will protest and even try to use environmental excuses.

"Washing diapers uses too much water."

Well, I hate to burst that bubble, but in actuality, it takes far more water to manufacture disposables than it does to wash cloth diapers throughout the two years or so a child wears them. Plus, according to the law, it is illegal to put human waste in the landfills. Guess what that means, folks? That means disposables should technically be washed out before being thrown away! You may as well just use cloth...especially if you consider yourself a law-abiding citizen.

Let me say that I'm proud of my daughter, Jessica. She could take the easy way out. Despite her desire to be a fulltime SAHM (Stay at Home Mom), her need for benefits makes that impossible for her right now. So every morning she's up early nursing and caring for her baby and getting herself ready for work. Some mornings she drives Laura to my home so I can watch her and other mornings she hands over her parenting duties to her husband. Work is stressful and the days are long. Jess spends lunch hours standing in the Ladies' Room pumping bottles. Evenings are spent doing normal mommy things, plus washing, drying and folding diapers. It would be much more convenient to pop open some formula and slap on some disposable diapers. But who ever said life as a parent was supposed to be convenient? Like I said, I'm proud of my daughter, Jessica. In today's world of celebrities, bigger-than-life politicians and super heroes, she is my hero.  UPDATE:  Jess was able to leave her job earlier this month and, for now, fulfill her heart's desire, and be a SAHM.

Yeah, you can call me Green Grandma....it's a title I'm honored to wear.

Keeping it green,

Hana

Why Green Grandma?

You may be wondering why I chose the title "Green Grandma." After all, I'm not really old enough to be a grandma, am I? Alas, the calendar doesn't lie and the grandma part of the title is actually overdue.

My husband and I have a slew of daughters, with the oldest about to turn 33 next week. But it was our baby who gave us our first and she was 24 at the time! After Laura was born, I predicted a domino effect and imagined Christmases to come with a houseful of young 'uns. Ten months have gone by since the lovely little Lady Laura made her debut and there have been no more baby showers to plan...yet. Perhaps next year at this time it will be a whole different story. We can only hope.

So, although I was not eager to be called Grandma, the title now suits me well and I wear it with honor. That takes us to the "Green" end of things.

Aren't you absolutely sick and tired of hearing the word 'green?' I mean, seriously. It was under the guise of 'green' that brought about the Cash for Clunkers debacle. Yeah, baby, let's fill up the landfills with perfectly good vehicles so we can save a few miles per gallon....don't even get me started.

Maybe if the tag word for the environmental movement was blue or yellow, I wouldn't even be blogging about it. After all, it would be difficult to come up with a catchy name. Maybe "Yellow YaYa," but what would that say? No, green fits. I like the alliteration. I like how it works with the song by Kermit the Frog (one of my favorites in Jr. High). Besides, there's a certain 'coolness' to being called "Green Grandma." I feel socially relevant, unlike how I felt when my own children were young and I was a SAHM -- see even stay-at-home-moms now have identifiable initials to set them apart. Not so a couple of decades ago. Back then I was "just a housewife."

There was a certain stigma attached to staying home and raising kids.

"Maybe she's uneducated," I could hear the female business managers I met saying as I told them I didn't work. It was like I was confessing a hidden world of pornography or something. They'd gasp and back away....afraid perhaps of catching whatever it was that was ailing me. Now I realize I may be exaggerating a bit...but just a bit. Staying home and raising kids is just not as prestigious as furthering our careers. But, oh, it is just as important, if not more so.

Unfortunately for my daughter, she has to work. Not for a fancy car or a $400,000 house. She has to work for benefits. My precious grandbaby has VSD (ventricular septal defect), which may or may not mean some hefty doctor bills down the road. Fortunately, I'm available to help out and have been blessed to watch Laura through the many changes in infancy. The rewards come when this precious child reaches for me in delight when she sees me. She doesn't understand that I'm 'green.' But she will someday.

Because, the bottom line is, I'm doing it for her. Every time I choose a greener way of life, I invest in a future I won't be a part of. There's really little benefit for me. But a world of difference for her.

Choose green. Do it for Laura and all the other little ones out there who are counting on you.

Keeping it green,

Hana